Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?

My Audible Original debut memoir is LIVE!

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It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her "that way," awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called "The Divine Feminine," and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.

Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything – including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?

Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.

What's it about?

Reader Praise for
You Will Not Recognize Your Life

But do people like it?

Almost finished with my second listen-through

This is one of the funniest and most insightful books I've ever enjoyed. The story is great, the performance is great, and i'm still wondering how she makes it sound so conversational without a second person...

- Micseydel, Audible listener

Almost finished with my second listen-through

A lovely, honest and vulnerable story that conjures up its own kind of magic amid honesty, hilarity and vulnerability. Great thanks the the author and also the narrator. Some authors should not read their own work, but she adds to it.

- David Valentine, Audible listener

An amazing listen

I don’t usually write reviews but I feel compelled to do so here because I of how much I enjoyed this audio book. I love that Micaela narrated and how honest and relatable it is. Many of Micaela’s insights resonate with me, particularly that you are worthy of love as you are. You don’t have to choose between being ill and being loved. The right people will love you even when you’re imperfect, disagreeable, and sometimes not easy to live with.

- MCP, Audible listener

I stayed up all night listening to this

I listened to this after a 6 days of wildfires in LA - I was desperately looking for something that would make me smile. And this did! I laughed out loud and enjoyed this so much. I haven’t hardly smiled much less laughed for days. Thank you!

- Colette, Audible listener

Great storytelling

I loved listening to this book because it’s entirely entertaining, engaging, enjoyable and so different. It feels like walking into a coffee shop early on a Saturday morning, sitting down beside a stranger and they ask if you want to hear about the time they joined an interesting club in their twenties. For every woman in search of herself it’s well worth the listen… Thank you Micaela.

- Shawvan Banks, Audible listener

Truly Good, Inspiring and Magical

So random for a 67-year-old. It was uplifting, engaging and amusing as all get out. I could not stop listening to it and will probably listen to it again. Can’t wait to tell friends and family so they can enjoy it as well.

- Teresa Bassett, Audible listener

Refreshingly different!

I enjoyed everything about this! The voice and emotion. The honesty and the humor. The humanity and the commiserations of living with chronic illness. The surprising plot of Sister Goddess school! 
As a 50 something, former elementary school teacher who also remembers her awkward moments and has a child with chronic illness I could relate to so much of this story. 

I might even listen to this twice!

- yankeefan, Audible listener

One of the BEST memoirs I’ve ever read/listened to!!!

I was bored and looking for something different (and free) to listen to. Sometimes I don’t care too much what I pick as I’m just listening to something to help me fall asleep. 

So I start listening to this book in a routine manner, without much expectation. I not even paying it that much attention, but it starts to draw me in. The author writes and reads in this amazingly humorous, sweet, honest manner. She speaks about the struggles of life and relationships with an amazing balance of insight and humility. 

The more I listened, the more I appreciated her sharing the story of her relationship with her boy friend, her girlfriends, Madame V,, the kids in her class…

This would be more understandable if I was female in my 20’s to 40’s, the demographic of the author during the book, but I’m a straight 60 yr old male. Her story, her writing is so good, it transcends age & gender. 

Very well done.

- Wild Oak, Audible listener

Sweet, funny, poignant…

I loved this book. It's a quick listen that is easily devoured in one or two sittings (or dog walks in my case). For anyone who ever tried to improve anything about themselves (is there anyone, other than sociopaths, who haven't?). This book resonates, entertains, and progresses to an excellent finish. Well worth the read.

- Hayley, Audible listener

Thoughtful, vulnerable, hilarious and honest

Micaela tells such a relatable story that mirrors what so many anxious, smart and awkward young women go through trying to find love in hopes that they will, in turn, find themselves when they do. I felt myself puffing up my chest and standing a little taller at parts and quietly mourning the lost years as she does. Beautiful little story :)

- Nikki, Audible listener

For the Anxious Middle School Girl In All of Us

Micaela is the best audiobook narrator I've ever heard. She sings and jokes and tells you the hard things with enough humor that you know it's going to be okay. The story itself made me feel deeply seen in my own struggles with confidence, desirability, and femininity. I could have lived in her world for so much longer and was disappointed when it ended!

- Nicole N, Audible listener

I wish she had been my 3rd grade teacher

Micaela's story is a gift to anyone who has ever felt on the fringes of their own life. I loved hearing about her 90s style attempts at discovering how to love herself, cheered her successes and marvelled at how she faced dealing with chronic illness in a very spicy year. So glad to have stumbled across this life-affirming memoir.

- Lindy M, Audible listener

Wonderful read

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My only complaint is that I wish it was longer — I was so sad when it ended that I didn’t get to spend any more time in Micaela’s company! This story is so wonderful and funny and charming that its depth almost sneaks up on you. It’s an incisive critique of the self-help industry but feels just like a phone call from your best friend. A lot of this is due to the author’s wonderful, natural and conversational narration.

- E.H., Audible listener

Felt like a deep and funny conversation with a friend

Reader Praise for
You Will Not Recognize Your Life

But do people like it?

My only complaint is that I wish it was longer — I was so sad when it ended that I didn’t get to spend any more time in Micaela’s company! This story is so wonderful and funny and charming that its depth almost sneaks up on you. It’s an incisive critique of the self-help industry but feels just like a phone call from your best friend. A lot of this is due to the author’s wonderful, natural and conversational narration.

- E.H., Audible listener

Felt like a deep and funny conversation with a friend

Read hundreds more five-star reviews, and listen for yourself, on Audible! Click here to listen.

Listen Now!

This is one of the funniest and most insightful books I've ever enjoyed. The story is great, the performance is great, and i'm still wondering how she makes it sound so conversational without a second person...

- Micseydel, Audible listener

Almost finished with my second listen-through

I loved listening to this book because it’s entirely entertaining, engaging, enjoyable and so different. It feels like walking into a coffee shop early on a Saturday morning, sitting down beside a stranger and they ask if you want to hear about the time they joined an interesting club in their twenties. For every woman in search of herself it’s well worth the listen… Thank you Micaela.

- Shawvan Banks, Audible listener

Truly Good, Inspiring and Magical

Micaela is the best audiobook narrator I've ever heard. She sings and jokes and tells you the hard things with enough humor that you know it's going to be okay. The story itself made me feel deeply seen in my own struggles with confidence, desirability, and femininity. I could have lived in her world for so much longer and was disappointed when it ended!

- Nicole N, Audible listener

I wish she had been my 3rd grade teacher